Well, I knew that you would like me...

..if only you could see me..

I'd like to be able to say that it was unreal...but it wasn't..it was very real and I am actually glad to be able to say so. I expected it and I predicted it and I was just hoping it would happen some day, it just happened to be his birthday, and I just happened to look brilliant.

I find it difficult to write about what happened. I am sure that if he ever happened to read this he would have no idea of the magnitude of his actions, and how touched I was.

However, once I am back in this hole, in a different time zone, with a different set of expectations and no chance of crossing paths with him unless I get up and follow and know...

It is really stupid. Or not it, but I am. I feel silly. I feel like I've opened that department inside of me that is waiting to receive some kind of...what's that thing called...love?...but as we all know I've really badly deceived myself to open it for such a brief encounter...and it's not a surprise that it hurt now, and it is not a surprise that I keep my eye open for him around the corner, and it is no surprise I am like a soap opera character without a plot....

I will probably end up spending more than enough money on therapy again. I don't know how suitable psychoanalysis is for me...it is just like talking to myself, only I have to pay. And I don't know how honest I've been about my problems, which makes the whole cause even less effective.

I am Virginia Oldoini...Comtesse de Castiglione...what a horrible way to die; toothless, obese and bald. What a shock...what a shock