Person of the day iiiiisss- Elia Kazan! How patronizing, I am sorry. I just want to be him badly. Anyhow, I really have nothing on Kazan to report other than the fact that unless you understand he is breathtakingly amazing and dead...well...yeah, then you still don't understand very much. Or something? Anything? I don't know where I was going with this...
I had a very nice talk with my mother regarding success versus fame- it was all triggered by an essay by Tennessee Williams that I came across. It really made me wonder if the two go together. Apparently, they do not. But then again, there are so many types of fame, and so many types of success. I'd much rather be successful at what I do and content with that fact, that be famous. I think I have been mistaking success with fame for way too long.
I just want to say that really did have a quite unique dream last night. It wasn't very pleasant, no...unique isn't always pleasant. I, through my dream, re-experienced a short-lived, suffocating, liaison that I had about a year and a half ago. Luckily, I cut the umbilical cord on that one before it was too late and all of my "self" had been completely trampled and sucked out me (now I fully embrace solitude, in all of its soothing tranquility). But in that dream, I was still in that non-reciprocal relation...I felt as though I could not breathe...and when I woke up..I was rather shaken. Talk about fear of "relationships"...my God...
This has all been triggered by a talk with a friend about how I should perhaps, maybe, stop being so reclusive, and maybe get a relationship...have a relationship. The problem is..actually...there are a couple of problems with that. Mainly, I am not just looking for just anyone. And that is what is mainly being offered. A bunch of random anybodies. As well as being terribly picky, I am also extraordinarily vain.
Not just that, but I generally prefer older men when it comes to having any sort of "relationship" (and I quote the word relationships because I really very much dislike the sound of it). My parents would not be too happy about that- not at all. I am hoping that next year, I might be extraordinarily moved by a poet, an artist, a man with experience and metaphysical powers that only come with age. But age really has nothing to do with it....people limit themselves with age, gender, race etc...no, not me. I am just looking for someone equally out of their mind as I. Actually, I am not looking...when you look for something, you can never find it.
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