Pull the plug, for the love of a deity

These past few weeks have been dreadful ones- I truly hope it does not get any worse, but seeing how I work on Sunday, my gut tells me- perhaps, maybe, it will. Mother is off to her art school...father and I are left to fend for ourselves for the rest of the long week. I made vegetarian sushi which we diligently decided to eat all week...the house is starting to acquire a musty essence, and the cats appear to be rather malnourished. In short, I really miss mother, and I hope she will not leave us for a handsome art fag, just past the threshold of the 50s, with sophisticated grey streaks in his hair and a reminiscence of what the world looked like when he was considered to be a young chap. If that happens, both father and I are in deep, deep trouble.

I got rejected from one university the other day- it may come as a surprise, but I was not particularly depressed about it. York University representative told me the reason why I was not chosen was because for my interview, although I showed a lot of enthusiasm, was because I did not manage to show my filmmaking ability. To this remark I laughed out loud, asking what kind of a moronic numskull can expect of a highschool student to exhibit proficient filmmaking skills...especially when the program one is trying to get into is the "filmmaking basics". Was I supposed to show them my poorly recorded, digital camera films of me yelling at Alice Cooper "My God Alice, that's an ugly shirt!!!!" when he last visited this disgusting little town I live in, and not only disgraced himself by this appearance, but boldly decided to try to fit in by parading around in a purple plaid shirt.. it was disgusting. Shock rock ended for me that very day. I never really wanted to go to York- it is in the middle of nowhere, with a degree that prepares one for a life of non-lucrative pretentiousness.

Average, at best- apparently, that is what I am. Some people think that they have a God given right to fire judgments and random negative observations at me, but they are mistaken by my placid exterior..I fire back three times worse, and when I do, I hit bellow the belt. Yeah. How you like them apples? I was recently told that "people don't know who you really are", when I talked about my private personality. I was informed that people can't decode me, or know what I really think, act, and who I am behind closed doors. That made me really happy with myself, I landed a huge pat on my back and decided to keep up the good work. I think ones life comes to a screeching halt when people start figuring them out, and knowing who they really are.

I have yet to receive an e-mail from Linder Sterling. Quite disappointing. I wonder if she will ever write me, just a sentence, because if I could have her address, I would send her all of these wonderful things that make me one of her biggest admirers...and we'd make imaginary feminist babies, talk about life and our disgust for the society as a whole. Oh Linder, why won't you write me?

The yearbook class is making everybody write a message for our peers which will be published as a "goodbye" sort of thing. I had a couple of drafts. It is due tomorrow. I think I will settle for a "bye"..but these are some of the drafts I have been working on:

Unfortunately I have no last words of wisdom. Just pull the plug and get it over with. I'll spare you my honesty and instead say "I will miss all of you dearly". Seems like an appropriate ending. Ladida. Yours truly, Sir Quentin Crisp. P.S. Every time I said I was sorry....I didn't really mean it.

I also had something like this in mind, although they are screening these for content:

See you in hell. Yours truly.

And another witty one:

I did have a witty quote to write here, but seeing how this is the end, I
can now stop throwing my pearl before swine.

And just a mean one:

Best wishes to all of my friends and foes, and whenever you're down about
your future career, just remember that you don't have the most degrading job in
the universe- teaching.

As you can tell, I have nothing positive to say. So...I don't know if I will say anything at all. I think a nice "bye" would be well suited, have me remembered as a plain Jane....hopefully I will be remembered for more in a tactile, visible, non-fading way...other than a lame graduation yearbook entry.

Maybe not.